I got some indirect feedback recently on the podcast/blog, friend of a friend who shall remain nameless, said he loved what I’m doing, but sometimes thought I came off as “anti-American”. I know what he means, and this sort of rhetoric does get especially heated after returning from Asia. While I actually think of myself as being ‘anti-corporate’; don’t understand why in a country with such theoretical freedom, so many would choose to live such dull and homogenous lives, more content to pad their bank accounts than their souls, but here is a post listing some things I specificly LOVE about the country I was born in. I feel no need for any sort of nationalistic, patriotic jack off here, I just want to be sure and give an accurate picture of where I’m coming from. Also being a New Year, it’s a time for reflection, so a bit of that goes in here as well (too hungover yesterday…too hungover to blog? Jeez, that is sad-)

1. Music One of the things I miss the most when I’m away, and even if you have your own tuneage on a trip, there’s nothing quite like catching some Great American Song when you are elsewhere to bring up a misty-eyed feeling of home. Appalachain old time and bluegrass, JAZZ!, blues, classic country, rock and roll (to a large extent), soul, funk, metal, punk rock (to some extent), DIY hardcore, post punk, indie rock, neo-metal, electronica, minimalist neo-classical (not to dis great straight classical composers like Arron Copeland, very American), and anything else not covered by the categories mentioned. Several of these genres have ‘ethnic appropriation issues’, but for better or worse, it’s American Music now. Unfortunately, ask a random member of another nation these days to name an American musician, and they are likely to name some pop star who knows more about make up and dance steps than the key of D minor, but this marketing by which they have been effected can’t erase a few centuries worth of innovative music - what I see as one of our cultural gifts to the earth.

2. Geography I’ve canoed through swamps, wandered around sand dunes, walked entirely around and over different types of mountains - some so old they are worn, some relatively new and dynamic, rode over praries that seem to never end, relaxed near and been exhilirated by two distinct oceans, myriad clean and dirty rivers, roamed very different types of forest, seen mineral deposits that paint rock formations in a most bizarre and beautiful fashion, been energized by big sky and horizon, gotten lost and been terrorized by intense weather of various extremes, and know for a fact if you go a little further, stray a bit more from the trail, there is still terra incognito in which the hermit can practice his solitude and learn. And this all in America. I’ve been to all 50 states and wish more of my countrymen could make the same claim. I wouldn’t mind if Guthrie’s “This land is your Land”, replaced the National Anthem, but that won’t happen. At least make sure the kids keep hearing the song, deleted civil disobedient versus too. I don’t mind the actual National Anthem, but have never heard a more beautiful or more accurate version than that played by James Marshall Hendrix in August of 1969 in Woodstock, NY at a music festival, within a few weeks of when the first terran, an Adventerous American, stepped foot on the moon.

3. Porn OK, so maybe we didn’t invent it, but we took it to astounding new levels, despite the purtanical influence that still pulls like undertow in the American tides. You see estimates in the billions, but who knows how much revenue has been generated in this place by still and moving images of the naked human form in carnal digressions, especially as organized crime (which doesn’t exactly share their ‘bookkeeping’) has been involved from so early on. I direct any who are disgusted by this fact of American living to this case study of pornography in Japan. We clearly have some issues to work out with this ‘good cop/bad cop’ thing we have going with sexuality and the documentation thereof, but under this umbrella I want to ’shout out’ to all the strippers in the states that allow them to dance (though let’s be clear - this is ‘fantasy’, not ’sex’…guess by now you know I’m no rich cokehead), and though I have never legally (directly) paid a woman to copulate with me in this nation, shout out to you too Nevada - like your style.
I would further like to thank former Vice-President Al Gore for inventing the internet, and thus my continued exploration of Id and every fetish I never knew I had. I am the infidel you seek to destroy Bin Laden (you too, you blue blood, WASP, ‘god says this’, square-ass motherfuckers), come and try to get me… Meanwhile, this infidel Jacks It for Freedom! (wow, sort of the ‘patriotic jack off’ I promised you wouldn’t get here- oh, well)

4. Indie Spirit I felt this especially pronounced after a trip to China about a year ago, but you even see traces of it in European culture. There is something to be said for the American willingness to defy tradition, family, common sense, and plain good judgement to ‘think outside the box’ when it comes to finding new ways to ‘get things done’, and generally ’step out of line’. If you’ve got a better way to do things than your boss here, and assuming you have some capitol, you quit and become the competition. Now, clearly, this ‘bold steppin’ and ‘rule breakin’ gets us into hot water too, but that’s not the focus right now. I want to take a moment for every kid who moves out of his parent’s nest before they can truely afford to do so and works drudgery to pay the rent and hold on to some crackerbox they can call their own. Are rents so much lower here than in these countries where the youth stay at home until marriage, and then some? Not really, but we make it happen anyway, it’s just part of the indie spirit (well…there are also economic realities, and relative stability that make this plausible…not to undermine my own argument, but I’m being real - no famine, roaming gangs of raping soldiers, not many children orphaned by carpet bombing in the States these days). Mother of invention, ‘know how’, gumption, ‘coming up with a new way’ (for better or worse), THAT’S how we roll. You don’t like it? Figure out some new way to roll, yo!

5. World Hotties No offense to any hetero turned on by corn fed, small town, blondes, but that’s not who I’m into. I love the diversity of different types of beautiful women you can find here, especially in the cities, but it’s slowly getting better everywhere. It goes back to one of my favorite metaphors for America - ‘the melting pot’. Some choice fucking going on here folks, DNA combinations creating some beautiful women. Even though I do a lot of bitching about ‘the modern American female mentality’, I realize this construct is actually a myth, or something too diverse to be defined. My complaint once again is with puritanism and the forced socialization of the genitals. I truely believe, and this is just Darwinism 101, that the best hope for humanity is when we have created the ‘uber-mut’ (the group with the largest genetic diversity has the best options to attain adaptibility and survival) and salute inter-racial breeding, though not so much breeding in general. If you feel you must procreate, I urge you to do so with a beautiful partner who’s genetic background differs from your own substantially. This again is misleading, as we share 99% of our genetic make up with a freaking fruit fly, but perhaps you see what I’m getting at - no more ’straight up white’ Ms. America’s! And double points if she’s got some slutty skeleton in her closet. ‘Slut’ is a myth; read the old testiment, if Baal or Ashera had won out over Yaweh, I’m telling you, ladies, you’d definitely be a ’star’ down at the temple when it came time to worship… And in terms of copulation for non-reproductive purposes, this ties into point 3 as well, obviously.

6.Writers including poets. From The Transcendentalists to the Post-Modernists, this country has produced some great writers who represent a certain individuality. Jack London to Jack Kerouac. Walt Witman to W.T. Vollmann. And never to exclude those who leave their own nations, bring something new to the mix from their old, and help to redefine yet again: American (I’m thinking specificly of Haruki Murakami here). Melville to DeLillo. And a special ‘Poe award’ to all who have trod the nether-realms and burned the candle at both ends. And not just novelists and poets, screenwriting is a very American thing (I suppose very Indian as well, as Bollywood is the film capital of earth). So thank you too, playwrights -David Mamet and Sam Sheppard. I exclude all who ‘write’ for the purposes of adversitizing specific products- ya’ll vampires suck.

7. The Road Trip This ties into points 2 and 4, but I think deserves it’s own distinguishment. From the days of ‘you kids get in the wagon, we’re gonna try somewhere else’, to ‘wonder where that train goes?’, to ‘fuck it, what’s over the next hill?’ there is a rich history of movement in vast America. I’m intentionally avoiding potentially negative topics like ‘oil’ and ‘Detroit vs. the rail system’, and even though it can be oppulent and wasteful (though not as bad as NASCAR) there’s something to be said for the American wandering(rolling) spirit, and exploration of unknown tarmac. The best way to see this country is still by automobile, which sadly surpassed the horse - which I assume used to be old ‘best way’. Homogenous convience islands have cropped up at many interstate exits, but the old two lane highways are still there, the forgotten little ‘one traffic light’ towns, the real America, under-represented by sitcom television. It’s amazing the amount of cultural influence NYC and LA project onto the rest of the country, and then the world, but there are many shades in between not represented on the TV and in film (which is slightly better about capturing lesser known locales). I’m not saying it’s all good, and you might need to put on your ‘David Lynch filter’ to appreciate some of it, but never forget about the small towns and the state parks, the one of a kind mom and pops that are still holding on, either through altruism or stubborn laziness. Maybe some day this country will just be one giant strip mall, but that day isn’t upon us yet. Get out there, if you have a little time and money, and see it! Cross country, maybe just something new in the next county over, what’s really stopping you? The rolling mental institution commonly know as ‘Greyhound’ is often another cheap option, depending on where you want to go; if you, like I currently do, find yourself carless.

8. A History of Violence This one’s a little sketchy, but for better or worse this has long been a land full of violence. I’m not justifing it, just stating truth. And like it or not, there is something in me that responds to this violence. Though we have abstracted it through media and superficial projections of ourselves, we have a high threshold for violence. I have no problem with the second amendment and truely see the problem in our mentality, the gun itself is just a tool. Watch Brits, or Aussies fistfight, somehow this art as been lost here, which is a dis to human pugilism. Any little bitch can hide behind some misplaced potshots, there is nothing manly about it. Despite the tension and victor, assuming there is one, fistfighters will walk away with more respect for one another when the bout is over.
Another spin an older, biker friend put on this out in Oregon: if you must hide behind a gun, LEARN TO SHOOT. What’s with the ratio or ’shots fired’ to ‘hits’? How can so much ammunition be discharged without more entry wounds?
Something has been lost in the testing of American mettle. Our willingness to create violence seems in tact, but somehow the testoserone and raw balls need to be reproven. How can the pungy sticks and IUD’s of willful opponents add up to satelite imagry, all the bombs you can buy, and unmanned drones? Despite these insurgent issues, we seem to have taken violence to some abstracted place away from real human interaction.
And all you bitches hung up on respect, and shooters who feel they must turn High School into the ultimate proving ground: be patient, grow up and run away to join the circus like everyone else did. The ‘bullies’ will prove themselves sad enough in time, and you’ll need to save your energy for far more crafty and wealthy bullies.

9. Pure Escapism When the bar has been set so high, I’m surprised by how many settle for the same ol’ dreams of a nice car, plasma TV and trophy wife. In this sense, Howard Hughes, Phil Spector and Michael Jackson are sort of heros for allowing their neurotic fantasies take them to new heights, at their own expense, mentally if in no other way. Rich and poor, we are a nation of dreamers. A War on Certain Drugs, while they want to be sure nearly everyone is on something they must score from the establishment. An entertaiment industry to match the incarceration industry. A free press controlled by a corporate oligarchy. Everyone talking about freedom, most on their way to or returning from doing something they most likely would choose not to be doing, for money. We identify ourselves through our jobs, our cars, our network of spouses and peers, and let’s get real now, by our penchant for dreaming. But let’s up the ante, gang, sky’s the limit. Ah, sweet luxury and that which it affords. Now immortality seems some unspoken American goal, or at least it would seem from the continuing legislation. Are we out of touch with our relevance on the little rock human’s call home? It bums me out and I buy into it at the same time-

I don’t have a 10. Fuck nice round numbers-