So I was out walking Max yesterday, amazing azure sky, strong breeze defeating any hint of heat, cloud 9 sort of day. But heavy copter activity quickly became apparent in the area. ‘Somethings up’, I thought ‘big wreck on I-5?’ But we walked on, ran into Jason’s new girlfriend, talked with her for quite a while, then heading home, I saw a cop sloppily parked, pretty much blocking an intersection, though there was also a technician working on a pole, so I figured he might be an escort. ‘Shit, hope the net isn’t down when I get back.’

So a bit later I headed out to go to a Willamette Week party, that is mooch their free grog and grub, as my boy Trevor was an employee and invited me. But heading to the train it was obvious something was definitely going down: cops blocking off sections of major roads and rush hour traffic frustrated, chaotic and trying to figure new routes through the spontaneous maze. As I waited, I could tell the main area they had blocked off, but it was hard to see all those blocks away, figure out what had happened. ‘It’s quite windy, maybe a limb or sign came down.’ I speculated with fellow passengers but no one seemed to have solid answers. I went on to the shindig, ran into an old friend from like 1st grade(!) and generally forgot about it, until it occured to me to look for info later that night/morning.
Turns out these three numbnut boyz decided to rob a liquor store and had set off a highspeed chase and ensuing manhunt trying to escape. The funniest part to me is I’ve been noticing/complaining about all of the scummy white people you find out here. Now this is straight up elietism I’m talking (and true, I’m no ‘Brad Pitt crossed with MENSA’ myself), but when it’s about your own race I think it’s acceptable. Coming from the south, obviously I am familiar with a broad spectrum of rednecks, but I swear - something about the urban pressure of ATL or who knows what exactly, instills even the most would-be obnoxious, NASCAR lovin’, Bush worshipping, bible banging caucazoid with some level of style and grace superior to the lumber jack descended stock of mutant ass white freakies you encounter out here. True, there are statistically higher rates of mental health issues and whatnot, which ties into the state’s healthcare policy and other politics I don’t want to go into now; and sure, the long rainy season leaves everyone a bit ‘moldy’. When I’ve tried to bring this up with friends, they sort of look at me like I’m Hitler or something, but I think ol’ peckerwood DJD’s mugshot speaks volumes in defense of my case.

Comicbook guy sez: “Lamest attempted armed robbery ever!”