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So right now this is just Bob Pollard style fake band and fake album/fake song titles, but the new roommate Dean is on the way from the UK and is a bass player. So maybe I’ll get a classical acoustic as are so cheap in a nearby shop, a better mike for the software and we’ll actually record some of these songs…

Band: Qilin(chi lien)

Album: Liaocheng Shien Tsi

side A- Buddha was a hippie, Lao Tzu was punk rock
I beat a little Emperor, then another one
Somehow the un-lubed Happy Ending works
Sha-fucking-ma?
Wua shiang my negga (I would like to buy this)
Down to 400 RMB for the week
cheap but cheap

Side B- What the hell are you saying?
Ditch oil
Juicy Mao
pay me if you want to stare
Golden Pig Blues
Tai Chi on a frozen morning
Ain’t goin’ back to Bo Ai
Hey Shiao Jia, dig this…

So things are going on: Halloween parties, frustrations with uber-chaste Chinese cuties, roommates moving out and new ones on the way from England, but none of that is the focus here. Today I had my first Tai Chi lesson in the park. I needed an “introduction” which took time to arrange, but now apparently I am welcome to come by any morning whenever I can between 8-11. Tai Chi is one of the main things I’ve wanted to check out while over here, and would have liked to start before now, with cold on the way, but it is what it is. The main instructor of course has no English, but we’ve established sort of non-verbally that I am not a Westerner completely clueless about the ways of the Inner Life, and he isn’t go to kick the shit out of me with some of the moves/exercises that look more like Kung Fu. Tai Chi is of course one of the soft martial arts, and can help in fighting/defense. I was a bit dismayed when he put me in front of one of the female students and urged me to “attack her”. It was more of a balance exercise. But then he made boxer fists and urged me to go harder at her, which I wasn’t gonna do. I was ready for the various movements – of which there are either 108 or 85. But first there was a lot of breathing and centering to get used to. At first I felt he was giving too much attention to the foreigner, but other students would come and go at various points and he would pass me off to others for instruction as he went elsewhere. I thought it strange too how most of the men stopped for a cigarette every 5 minutes, but after all this is China. They can shut down smoking in English Pubs and NYC, even France, but it’ll never happen here.

Anyway, there was no doubting this teacher – he read me like a book. He could tell when I was doing something with my arm or with my Chi. He had a little “time out” T motion he would use to stop me whenever my motion was originating from the wrong place, and I’d start again. He would also stop me at just the right point, which I’m slowly learning to recognize. Then he would make me close my eyes, and take like a psychic snapshot to try and recognize the position. I don’t mean to be overly flaky in describing this, but that’s what it felt like. He’d say things in Chinese, which of course I couldn’t get, but I can say “I understand” and “I don’t understand”, and he can say “OK”, and make the thumbs up sign along with smiles, frowns and occasional blatant hand slapping or shaking out my arms when I was getting too tense. I felt like we had communication going and I was at least getting some things right, based on the look that eventually came over his face. It’s like meditation: you can tell when you’re hitting alpha wave state, but can’t really describe it or explain exactly how you get there. You just zone in on this other place, over time it’s a muscle to be exercised like any other.

Then I followed his head student through what were supposedly the first six moves, but felt more like 20. It’s hard to understand where one begins and the next ends, and of course they couldn’t completely tell me. But then I’d be surprised by another student being able to say just a few words in English to clarify. If I keep going often enough, things will become clearer and clearer – through muscle memory if nothing else. Plus there is all sorts of action in the park: people of all ages stretching, doing this rhythmic pingpong ball toss and catch, various weapons training, and other exercises; not to mention all of the tables of gaming – majong, Chinese chess, card games; and people playing classical music. Commies really know how to utilize a public space…

In other news, one month without TV (I’ll get a DVD player later, we don’t pay for channels and what would be the point?) but plenty of beer drinking with the music and net. Also digging more into Old Time radio (a strange nostalgia for my culture, or as it was 50-70 years ago), I recently found a PK Dick story on X-1 from May 22,1956 (#50 The Defenders). Not the greatest or anything, but still the first time I’ve heard Dick done for radio. Thankfully Phil didn’t have to live to see some of the less prestigious adaptations, not to mention blatant rip offs, of his work.

So there where some holidays right after I arrived, followed by a busy week of all the students making up the English School classes they had missed (how exactly is this a holiday?), when they weren’t in their normal school, which also had to make up it’s missed days. So I am just now experiencing my first standard work week. Students here have it rough: I see high school age kids riding bikes home at 10PM, to get in and do hours of homework, then up early as can be and start it all over again the next day. There is a lot of pressure to get into a good University, among which there is a three tiered system, in order to get a good job. Thousands of applicants for each job in China. Sure, many will end up labors or relative factory grunts, but while you’re young and have a shot at an “easier” life, there is much pressure to get a leg up, for the sake of your entire future. Anyone who has $ to go to our school comes from a rich family (more on this later…), and English School is on top of everything else. I heard on a recent NPR report, the average annual Chinese income is $3,000 per year…which by American standards is unbelievable. Even the poorest American will make 3K in 3-4 months, and that’s minimum wage and struggling. But I doubt this Chinese NPR data. Here’s another report along with a move to create an “Asian standard”. 687Yuan is about $101, per month, and you get paid once a month. (The NPR report was saying “average”, so weigh some Shanghi high-roller business man types making a western income, against many rural poor making fuckall…)

Anyway, my load is about 21 hours per week, for starting pay of 5K RMB (same as Yuan) per month. It’s about $734, not impressive for the west. But when I consider I can save 1000yuan per month and still live on 1000 per week, I’m essentially living like a king by Chinese standards, and my first raise is in 3 months. And also, this IS the “light” season. I will have one hell month in Winter (Jan or Feb), and one hell month in Summer (June or July) which means working closer to 40 hours per week. When I say 21 hours, that’s classroom teaching time, also have to make lesson plans, some teacher meetings, other school functions and dinners I must attend. Also there is a rotation that goes out to another rural school two days a week to what we call Bo Ai. I’m not on Bo Ai shift this month and am already trying to figure out how to get out of next month. It’s only an hour, flash cards with little kids, but an hour each way, so that’s another 6 hours per week not your own, every other month. I guess Bo Ai just stops during our “hell months”. So in a typical week, I am off Mon and Wed; one class in the evening Tues and Thurs (not counting Bo Ai), Fri; a full day of 4 two hour classes on Sat, and 3 two hour classes Sun. Ages range from 5-14, and actually my Tuesday nite class is adults level 1, beginners (more to come here…). Classes have at least 8 students, my biggest has 18 which is considered “too large”. A new teacher from the UK is on the way, and will make some of our large classes smaller. The worst are the 8-11 year olds, esp. the boys. Like maniacs are they! It’s shocking how they will run amok before class and during the 15 minute break that separates the two hours. Parents often just idly stand by and watch art being torn from the walls, screaming and chasing etc. It’s a combination of “one child – little emperor” (which is not as strict a “law” as westerners are lead to believe) spoiling and the fact these kids are pent up in class most of their week. Yeah they get recess, but they have almost no unstructured time. “Little boys are naughty” – is just understood, and little is done to curtail their behavior. The Chinese assistants get the worst of it, as occassionaly one will bo up and say all sorts of abusive things. It’s in Chinese, but you can tell it’s ugly. The discipline style is to verbally shame the kids into submission, which usually works, but not always. We can assign homework as punishment (picture Bart Simpson at the chalkboard) but this also only goes so far. Of course, it’s even more hilarious for them to see a foreign teacher lose his shit (remember when you had a “sub” at that age? Now imagine how much funnier it would have been to abuse them had they a heavy Chinese accent…) so this must not happen. The shear noise and commotion… It isn’t helped when you’re trying to prep your materials for the young ones and some jackass parent comes into the room and starts SCREAMING into a cell phone – that’s just the style here. The school’s main concern is that the money keeps coming in, so they don’t want to push things beyond a certain point. But anyone who knows me, knows this isn’t MY style, and I will only be pushed so far. I’ve already instituted business cards with our names for each of us to hand out (after all, we are walking advertisements all around town…) and if we can prove enrolling a certain number of kids/new clients, I will vote we be allowed to kick out some of the worse ones, who after all only slow up everything for those who can learn. And it’s only a matter of time ’til one of these naughty boys will discover “the emperor really does wear no clothes” i.e. we don’t have much ultimate power, and we have some sort of Lord of the Flies situation on our hands. I already saw one nasty fight between two boys, and the first thing the parents wanted to know was what the teacher had done to cause this. The teacher of course was already on his way out the door (not me), finished with the end of his final class on a long day, and could care less if two little demon emperors wanted to tear each others throat’s out. At least they don’t have guns… Another factor is: keep in mind how medicated American kids are – ridalin, prosac, who knows what the fuck, and there is none of that here, at least as far as I can tell.

So my adults are also all rich. One owns a coffeeshop/hotel/spa, which is just a hobby and not his real income. I was having a Chinese lesson with a friend in his shop and he invited us to dinner, which ended up being in a posh dining room. I was a bit dumbfounded and nervous, until our first class when I quickly realized he was the worst student. So it seemed he was trying to bribe me… But I’m more than willing to hang out in his expensive coffeeshop (which is more like a bar) and he can ply me with 15 year old scotch (even more exotic here) and such while we practice his elementary conversation starters and ABC’s. There was also a BDay party for one of our teachers (and my roommate) and most of the school in SPR coffee, which he owns (franchise). At one point, well buzzed and after singing all the verses I could remember of “Hotel California” to a conga and hollow body guitar, I wandered over to Rick’s “men’s table” so he could show me off to his buddies and they could drunkenly bellow their limited English into my ear. I am learning to drink warm beer, because the style is to slam small cups of it…”now this toast do 2, now this time 3!”…and you just can’t get cold beer down as easily. So I sip my one cold large one, and slam small warm ones, it all ads up quickly. Anyway, I didn’t want to be rude to my school friends…mostly female…and wandered back to the main table. All of the Chinese drunken men acted like 10 year olds trying to win the cool kid back “Here Teacher, have more whiskey…here Teacher we’ll give you this!…you want cigarette?…you want this? Come back to the men!”. Woke up the next morning, not hungover, but with a cold from overdoin’ it and biking home in the fog, but a friend took me to the pharmacy. They gave me a shitload of pills for like $2 and I was 99% again within a day.

Anyway, there’s an impression of the job. Meeting other foreigners, some other little dramas and joys, and still generally getting along fine. For now…

In the midst of moving to and adjusting within the lifestyle of China, I haven’t had a chance before now to give proper memorial for an old friend who recently past. Thom was a totally swell guy I hung with quite a bit in the late 80’s/early 90’s.

In high school, I had a friend who’s Mom moved to Canada for several months leaving his older sister in charge. No surprise, this became a party house of sorts, during what we now refer to as “Salad Days”(I believe taken from the Minor Threat song). It was in this era that I first met Thom. He was a year older and went to another high school, but we had similar musical and cultural tastes. In fact we collaborated on a zine called Soma, which I think only ever achieved two issues, and who knows if I even have one buried in my files any longer. But he went on to become program director for my favorite ATL radio station, GA tech’s WREK, where they have a podcast and memorial in the works. I last ran into he and his wife in the winter of 2006(07?) and was pleased to realize he seemed the “same old Thom”. He died in a hiking accident in the Grand Canyon, and while this is obviously horrible, to happen while he was so young, I take comfort in the fact he was spared some more painful fate in possibly not as beautiful a setting. Knowing we all have to go some time, may I say I hope for a similar passage. I wish all the best to his surviving wife and family, and know that all who knew him will always think fondly of him. He was that open and friendly type, without enemies or spite, while still striving hard against a mundane system that deserves to be shaken up-

*The Town*

So I’ve been in Liaocheng for about a week now, though it seems much longer. Here I intend to describe the journey and the town, next time I will go into the teaching job. I left ATL just as some sort of 100 year flood was hitting, though this wasn’t obvious at the time. Raining, yes, but as a nervous flyer, I wasn’t troubled at all during the flight to JFK. Obviously it rained harder later in the day. Had a six hour layover in JFK to contemplate what I was getting into.

I’d reached out over the ol’ Facebook to some NYC peeps (before dropping Fbook, which doesn’t work in China anyway) and got an invite to brunch from an old girlfriend working at this place, but was too nervous to venture from the airport – many chances for something to go wrong and miss a flight. Besides, even with her explanation of a cheap way to get to the place, I only had so much money. And what is a reasonably priced commute in The Big Apple is the equivalent of several all expenses paid days in China. So I just hung around on the cell, talking to folks for the last time, at least for a while.

On the flight, I was dismayed to hear the woman behind me request I “not put my seat back”, but played it Buddhist and dosed as best I could. It actually lead to a nice conversation with my rowmate, a snaggle toothed Chinese woman from Long Island going back to visit family, who’d lived in Australia and Japan. We even swapped email addresses. I’ve had to leave my little dog with friends in Athens for the time I’ll be gone, and did not appreciate one of the in flight movies being “Hotel for dogs”, which is full of cute dogs you must see even if you choose not put on the headphones. I especially did not appreciate it when they ran this film a second time… But Lilly is in good hands and the situation is what it is. *insert your “eat dogs in China” joke here*, because I won’t. A)because that’s a cliche American bullshit thing to say and B) because it’s true, esp. in the South, and I recently learned that in exact opposition to bovine slaughtering practices, it is believed the meat tastes better when pre-surged with adrenaline, so a dog is not simply killed before cooking- it is slowly beaten to death. Almost makes me want to get my PETA on. But the #1 reason Lilly didn’t come, assuming she could have made the 26 hr travel time with me in some narco-haze, lived (at least) a year with me in such foreign circumstances, the return flight – it would have been a six month quarantine before she could have peed freely on US soil. So go ahead and explain that to my little black, heartbroken bitch, Uncle Sam.

Before I left while crashing with my buddy Dave, when I booked my ticket through flychina.com, I was notified that the last leg of my trip, the flight from Beijing to Jinan had been canceled. I was presented with two options, Air China would: either give a free hotel room in B; or, push the entire thing back a day. Have you ever heard of such a thing? Missing a connection due to airline error and being put up is one thing, but this seemed too good to be true. I was esp. skeptical after my ‘06 debacle return flight from Beijing, which was delayed 27 hours, when Continental airlines bent me over without so much as a kiss, pushed it way on up and in – dry – and just broke it right off inside, but that’s a story for another time. May I say, Air China delivered in spades, not only a free room but free shuttle both too and fro! On the shuttle I met a swell couple in their 40’s from SF over here to study some martial art in the South, he Dutch and she American. It was their first time over and they seemed a little dazed. She retired early, but Jan and I stayed up for several more beers discussing life on Earth:USA, Europe and China. Next morning it was shuttle back to the airport, and a very nice 45 minute flight with Shandong Airline on down to Jinan.

There I was met by the woman I’d been in email contact with Ivy and another hottie named Lisa. We hopped into a car with the school driver and headed into Jinan. En route, they explained that the same owner has two schools in Jinan, one in Liaocheng and another elsewhere. As I was more needed in Liaocheng, I would be going on there with Lisa, who also it became apparent would be my boss, and thus will no longer referring to as a hottie (indeed in a contract I signed, staff and student dating if verboten. The students are a bit young and this won’t be an issue, but it will be difficult to curb flirting with some of the Chinese “cc’s”(assistant teachers all female and in their 20’s). We had a banquet style lunch and I saw only a bit of Jinan, during a post lunch walk to the bus station. Didn’t see any of the beautiful spring areas. Jinan is huge and bustling, the EF school there has harder hours for the same pay. It seems fortune has smiled on me with this unexpected turn of events. Liaocheng is a “small” Chinese city of 6 million. I’m not sure how much larger Jinan is, but it is the capitol of Shandong province.

Lisa and I rode the bus on to Liaocheng, discussing Chinese and American culture and films on the way, about an hours ride on a nice bus. Nicer than a Greyhound, if that means anything to you. Once in Liaocheng, she asked the cab to take us around the city a bit before arriving at the school. It wasn’t so impressive at first, but by the time we got to the lake and further into the old city, and canal district, I knew I had arrived. Cool old guard towers along what was once the city walls. Winding canals with stone paths on either side, occupied only by quiet, old people exercising or vegging out. A simple series of winding canals, nowhere nearly as complex as Venice, but also much prettier and organic with weeping willows and birds, including what I think are Chinese magpies. I’m not really a “bird guy”, but I take note when seeing birds with which I am unfamiliar. At the school I met the head teacher, a Canadian named Darren, and the other assistants. Darren walked me on to my apartment, 5 minutes from the school, when I eventually met my roommate Kissi (key see) who is from Ghana. The place is a 3 bedroom 1 bath, with rent clocking in (though this is paid by the school) at the equivalent of $66 per month! It is a fifth floor walk up, and the building is perhaps squalid by western standards, but it’s China: no crackpipes to step on or bullets flying. I don’t think crime is an issue. There is every sort of store very near by, though I am having trouble finding some things – more on this later.

So now a word about the noise. There is noise in China. I am already becoming desensitized to it, but the continuing car horns, fireworks, people screaming into cell phones… The traffic style is beyond belief: you simply go where ever you want to (yes there are “lanes”, but these are an outline at best – think nothing of crossing the double yellow to pass, maybe the light is red but if your ready to turn, just go ahead and do it, slowly and honking the entire time.) Roads are shared by cars, bikes, pedestrians, electric bicycles (Hello President Obama, have you heard about these things and why don’t WE have them?), scooters, motorcycles, tractors, tuk tuk style motorized vehicles, three wheeled cars, trucks of various sizes and cars. You go where ever you want, without even looking, and vehicles will simply honk when they predict they may be on a colliding trajectory. In America a horn often translates as “Fuck you!” Here, it is simply “I’m here, be aware of me”. And most everyone is just rolling around announcing “I’m here, I’m here”. And they are all going slower. There are a car traffic lanes, and wholly separate bike lanes on the bigger roads and there is more or less order to this system, by which I man the cars don’t usually go over the curbing into the bike lanes. Bikes go anywhere, except into the stores and canal (hopefully). I see near collisions constantly, but have yet to see an actual collision. I am also convinced American’s, when compared to Europe and Asia, can’t drive.

And the fireworks, by which I do not mean beautiful, 4th-of-July lightshow, just M 80+ noise fests and ladyfingers thrown out the back of passing vehicles. Starting before dawn, lasting for several hours most mornings. It really is as if the city is being shelled. *Boom* – car alarms go off, by why should car alarms ruin your fun? It’s not YOUR car alarm. Believe it or not, I have alread learned to sleep through this.

And there is always the canal to drop down to when the stress is getting to me. It’s serene, below street level, and much more quiet. There is the rare power boat that goes down the canal and makes a huge wake, but it’s mostly chill, just wander and relax. Watch sword exercises or Tai Chi, or the group exercises. One of the main attractions in town, the beautiful ShanShan guild house is like 7 minutes from my place and I discovered it quite by accident. There is a Grand Canal that runs from Beijing down to the south, and the Liaocheng system feeds into this. I don’t yet know how practical travel by this route is, but based on the infrequency of boats, I’m guessing not very.

Costs $1 = 6.8 Yuan (or RMB): you can have street food, like the egg-crepe thing for 1.5 Yuan. Restaurant meals run from 11-20 for a course or two. Coke cost more than beer. 9 large beers are 20 = around 30cents each for the big Heinekin size in the states (one problem I discovered is different styles of beer have different alcohol quantities. After 4, why am I not feeling this? but I figured out where to look on the label and got another kind – same price). 1 hour full body massage with extra time on feet and reflexology observation (requested or not…) = 50 RMB. In short, things are cheap. But not computers, which is strange, as they are all made here. But they cost about 1.5 times as much as in the states, at least in Liaocheng. Got a camera and mic for the laptop for $4. Haggling is always an option in smaller stores and market stalls.

Next time: more on the job itself. For now is the start of a week of holidays: the 60th anniversary of the PRC, and a lunar holiday (I think to mark mid-Autumn. But then all missed classes must be made up in a double loaded schedule week. How is this a holiday, China? But I’ll take it. I won’t have a sense of my true work week until things normalize after mid-Oct, but it’s a reasonable load and I’ll be making plenty. I did have to drop about $115 for an entire year of internet (6 months was more than 2/3 the yearly cost, so I just bit the bullet…at $30 per month net in the states, it’s still less than 1/3) but I’ll have to watch my spending, somewhat, until first pay. The problem is running about all day, everything is such a bargain (also equipping the place) but then realizing the tally by the end of the day. Many pebbles can still make fora heavy load…

So I’m off to China in the morning. When I was over there in ‘06, I could not access this blog. But my “producer” is gonna make updates for me from time to time via HTML emails. The first will probably be in a while, as I want to get well set up in my teacher’s routine and save major exploration of Jinan, Shandong and elsewhere in China after the homesickness kicks in. Stay tuned!

Missed out on an obit. last Friday, and this one is a little different as I actually once “met” and interacted with him. He read on the UGA campus in what I’ll guess was ‘95, but I can’t reference a month right now. Some friends and I owned a bookstore in Athens at the time and when I walked up to him after the reading, maybe I was being a bit “glory”, but I couldn’t help but throw out the idea that, had he time, it might be cool if he came by. My intention was truly just for him to see and enjoy the place, as it was a bookstore like no other, I wasn’t trying to cash in on some “celebrity appearance”.

But how exactly to spontaneously pitch this?
I guess he wasn’t too impressed, for his response came, and I’ll never forget,
“You have a bookstoaahh?” like a junkie Elmer Fudd doing an impersonation of a New Yorker.

And then quickly some student union handler whisked him away with a promised carrot juice. Surely he was tired after the reading, surely wackballs approached him constantly, and as the sage N. Peart reminds us “one must put up barriers to keep oneself in tact.” I’m not bitter or anything, that’s just my little Jim Carroll story. He came of age in a great city at a unique time in it’s history and wrote some great stuff. I first saw this photo on the inner sleeve of J. Giorno’s compilation “Your a hook”.

J Carroll and P Smith in 1969. photo by Wren D’Antonio